V is for Validation

Today is Alphabee-Thursday.

That means my blog is currently being brought to you by the letter V.
and...
is for

When I first started thinking of what I wanted to post about for my V entry, the first thing that came to my mind was Vermeer. You know...the painter? He did such works as
and and .
I am related to him in some way...distant cousins...his dad was a cousin to one of my great grandfathers somewhere down the line.
Vermeer is my maiden name.

But then, I thought...naaaah...I don't want to write about him. There's a movie about him should anyone want to know about his life. (Girl with a Pearl Earring, starring Scarlett Johanssen and Colin Firth)


So then I thought...volumptuous. Cuz I am...but quickly dismissed that b/c I didn't necessarily want to post full body shots of myself for the world to see. I'm not very happy with my more than ample body right now.

So it came down to which V word most accurately fits my life right now, where I am at this moment, and I came up with validation.

Validate--- authenticate, verify, prove.

Seems like I'm always trying to prove myself to someone (mostly me).
Am I a good enough mother, teacher, friend, person, and now wife??

I've always had low self-esteem...which my loud, boisterous personality is so good at covering. But it's true. I dated many guys during my younger years just because they asked...not because I liked them or they were good guys, but because they asked me out and it "validated" that I was worthy of being asked out.

I've *gone along with the crowd* on more than one occassion because it made me feel like I fit in. Like I belonged, which I needed to feel at various points in my life.

I even got married the first time because HE ASKED. Because I was worried noone else ever would and here he was wanting me to marry him.

I've come a long way from being that young insecure girl, but part of it is always with me. I find myself now, at this ripe old age of 43, still wondering if I'm good enough at things.
And I find myself starting to slip into that pattern now that I'm married. I want to be a good enough wife.

But yanno what...I already am. He doesn't expect me to be anything more than what I have been for the 5 plus years we've been together. I don't have to change or try to be better. I do a good enough job now...a great job, says he!

And sometimes, I just have to remind myself that "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dang it, people like me!"
So I'll sit back, and listen to the words of one great performer as he tells me...