Surgery Day

Today is Greg's surgery day and I'm a nervous wreck.
THIS is basically what he's having done.
(That is a link to tell about his ACDF surgery)

The surgery itself is pretty scary. What if the doctor's hands slip? What if his blood pressure skyrockets and he strokes out? What if it bottoms out and he codes? What if...what if...what if?

But that is not all of my anxiety.
I think I'm really more worried about the after.

Him staying in the hospital tonight.
Me coming home with Molly and leaving him there...w/o me.

And the tomorrow...assuming all goes perfectly well with no complications..
*making it to Molly's graduation.
*having the hospital bed delivered to be placed in the living room for his recovery
the recovery itself
*his not being able to do anything for himself for awhile due to the neckbrace
*my having needing to be at school Friday...his first day home...to see my students off...to pack up my room
*and a mandatory inservice on Monday
*and another on Tuesday
*while he's home recuperating..not able to do much for himself

as I was lying in bed this morning, not sleeping, I kept realizing all the different things he's not gonna be able to do for awhile, due to having to wear that neckbrace.
Just imagine...wearing one... and how that limits your mobility and capability to do certain things for yourself.
*like drink from a cup
*pee standing up (how will he see the toilet and not miss?)
*sleep

Normally he's an ok patient...he stays in the bed and sleeps.
But this time....this time he will be set up in the living room...for a month
*stressing over work
*stressing over his kid not helping him at work (the ungrateful/unhelpful little not-so-nice-word that he is)
*trying to show me how to do some of the work, on top of everything else I have to do to help him recover

how am i gonna do everything?

so yes...this is about me, too
I'm stressed over all this.

The surgery....well, for some reason that part really isn't worrying me. I don't know why, I just have some kind of peace about that I guess. At least more peace than about the recovery.

I know we'll make it
I know we'll get through it
I'm just not looking forward to it

and that makes me sound so selfish and self-possessed I guess
because HE's the one going through the hard part

but I'll be right here going through it with him...all but the actual pain I guess.

But we'll make it.
We always do.

Comments

Barb Smith said…
I know you are really freaking out about everything but don't get ahead of yourself...take everything one thing at a time. I've come to realize that when I look at the big picture of things I get completely overwhelmed...but everything can be conquered on step, one thing at a time.

I wish I was there to help you. I could help with the station stuff while you tend to Greg. I wish.

Call if you need to vent. I love you.

Barb
June 1, 2011 at 10:54 PM
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