It is well with my soul



I've been in some kinda mood lately...not a full fledged "funk"...but not really "happy" either. Not content, not upset..I dunno. Just kinda ....blah.
Things don't seem to be working out for me lately...or at least not in the way I want them to.
Don't get me wrong...I am blessed. I am loved. I am taken care of and provided for. I'm not saying anything to the contrary...
but I'm just not feeling my normal self lately.

that "miss mary sunshine" as nadine use to call me.
she's not inside of me right now.

And as I was peeling eggs in preparation for deviling...the song "It Is Well" came on my mp3 player.
I know this song well.
It's one of my very most faves.
I've sung it a few times in different churches.
I really try to cling to its words...
and I guess I needed to hear them again today.

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrow like sea billows roll....
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, "It is well, it is well, with my soul."

*When the bank fails to credit my deposit and now shows me to be in the red when I'm not, and now there are outstanding charges for which I will have to pay fees, and I can't get to the bank til Monday afternoon to straighten any of it out.....It is well with my soul.

*When I realize yet another feature lacking on this new vehicle of mine that makes me unhappy.....It is well with my soul.

*When I'm lamenting over the color of my new vehicle b/c I just don't like it.....It is well with my soul.

*When I lose a birthday card I bought...when it just disappears.....It is well with my soul.

*When I don't realize til after we are already at the pool that since today is a holiday, it won't be open .....It is well with my soul.

*When it seems that everyone else is out having a great holiday with family and friends, having picnics and parades and going to the lake, and all we are doing is hanging at the house.....It is well with my soul.

*When the earbuds on my new mp3 player are too big for my ear canals (b/c they are so little) and it's hard to keep them in, and hurts even.....It is well with my soul.

*When I go to play my mp3 player and realize my puppy has chewed off one of the earbuds...and I've only had it 4 days....It is well with my soul.

*When I can't even go to Walmart to get stuff for summer school or take the kids to the movies b/c of the bank's error and now my inability to withdraw cash without being penalized.....It is well with my soul.

*When I think about all the stuff for summer school that is not ready b/c the administrators were out of town all week and I couldn't talk to any of them or obtain more laptops or reading books to start with on Monday and being unprepared is really frustrating to me.....It is well with my soul.

*When boiled eggwhites tear and shell shards poke my fingertips as I try to prepare them for my family's dinner, knowing I don't even like them.....It is well with my soul.

*When the kids fuss with each other and blame every little thing on the other and whine cuz they are bored.....It is well with my soul.

*When I've been getting up at the butt crack of dawn and walking 3 miles (in less than an hour...more like 45-50 minutes) each morning, and am sore and tired, but still I do it b/c I need it and it's good for me, yet that stupid scale in the bathroom is not rewarding me at all, even tho I'm watching my food as well....It is well with my soul.

*When I hear songs that take me back to a time which holds fond memories and I realize I won't have that again with that person .....It is well with my soul.

*When it seems that noone is listening to me, that noone cares...It is well with my soul.

*When a certain man in my life is so passive and can't even make a single concrete plan EVER for ANYTHING.....It is well with my soul.

Just trivial things to whinge about...trivial in the long run because I do have my health, and my children's health, and a job I don't have the fear of losing, and a roof over our heads and food to eat, and friends who do care even when we can't spend time together, and a new vehicle that is safer and a bit roomier even if it's not the one I wanted and I'm having to learn to live with it, ....I am lucky.

I have so much.
and I hate that I get this way.

but sometimes I do.
that "poor little ole me" comes out.

I'm ready for her to go back to whatever rock she lives under...I'm just not sure how to send her packing.

Comments

Susan said…
Okay...now who needs to dial a friend? huh?

You fussed at me for not calling you when the shit went down with Andres, but I didn't want to be the sort of person who is a downer to you, so I abstained. But you should know I DO think of calling you.

And nothing would make me happier than to have you call me if you need someone to listen to you. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone. You call me, okay?

And one more thing, I agree that you are blessed, but all the things you so creatively wrote about here are valid problems and annoyances.

The part about you guys staying home on the 4th bothered me. I wish there were some town event/s you could have gone to.

Ah, but your celebration will be next week with your family and your trip.

I told Patrea that I"m jealous that you two will be together without me, but I'm glad you'll have the chance to see one another.

love you, Miss Sunshine.
July 6, 2009 at 2:30 PM
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