I Just Keep Getting Better With Age


I have this fear of getting old.
It's a rational fear.
I don't want to be alone.
I don't want to be forgotten.
I don't want to be old-looking.

ok, that last one was my vanity talking.

They say, "with age, comes wisdom".
Not so in my case.
For me..."with age, comes vanity."

I was not an attractive youth.
I was ok...but not the pretty one.
The best friend I had in high school was prettier.
She got all the guys, I got the left overs.

The best friend I had in college was prettier.
She got all the guys, I got to be their friends.

I think that's part of the reason I got married when I did.
He thought I was good enough to marry.
But looking back...I don't know that he ever really told me I was pretty.

But as I've aged...I've gotten better.
You know...kinda like Sean Connery, or Tom Selleck. They both look WAY hotter now than they did 20-30 years ago. (of course they started out looking good, but they got even better.)

I've gotten better with age.
Since my divorce, I've been told by some that I am pretty.
Men I've dated have even called me beautiful.
My girlfriends now tell me I'm pretty, (but of course that's what they are suppose to say.)

hmmm..funny how we don't believe the ones that love us most, but find validation in the words of strangers.
I've seen men turn to look at me as I pass them on the street, or in stores.
I've heard mumbles as they comment on me when I pass by.
I've had guys in bars compliment me, and my boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful.
In fact...the past few relationships have told me that they thought I was beautiful.

That word makes me feel good.
It's not one I grew up hearing.
In fact...I think I was 35 before I ever had anyone use that word to describe me.
But I like it.

I share all this, not out of vanity, or for bragging purposes, but as a form of self-validation.
When I look in the mirror at this age, I do like what I see much more than I did 5, 10, 25 years ago.

I often wonder if it's because I'm being told now that my looks are pleasing, I find myself feeling better about myself.
Or...if because I feel better about myself, others find my looks more pleasing.

I don't know. But I do like looking younger than my age, and being complimented.
I feel like I've come into my own.

And I guess I can "brag" about it here, without fear of people laughing at me or attacking me for it and making me feel guilty, because, heck....only a couple of people even read this, and they are some of my bestest friends!!

I'm just saying...no, admitting, that I don't want to grow old and lose my looks. The looks I have now. The looks that make me feel good about myself.
That's vain, and that's shallow, I know.
But it's how I feel....at this point in my life.

Comments

Susan said…
I don't want to get old and lose my looks either!! Did you know I went to a botox clinic to check it out? I did! Maybe I'll write about it in my diary.

Good entry, chica.
August 20, 2008 at 1:18 PM
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