~The words that ripped my heart to shreds
"You have no relationship with him."
(in reference to Trey, when I tried to point out to John that I was his mother and just looking out for his best interests)
and worse than that....
Trey agreed
and now I'm sending my other son to live with them?
I'll lose him, too.
__________________________________________________________________________
Here's the pretext of what was said Friday night...
After supper, John came up to Mom's and asked for Trey to go with him. Said he needed him for something.
Trey went.
Turns out, John and Rachel are having some troubles and were discussing them but needed Trey to help them.
When I found this out, I was not happy. I mean...Trey is 15 yrs old, and is John's CHILD, not his mediator, not his "friend", not his counselor, not his equal.
When I later expressed this to him, in a nice way of course, not accusatory or anything, John started talking about Trey's gift.
See...Trey has the spiritual gifts of discernment and exhortation.
(The gift of discernment consists of the spiritual quality or skill of being able to see or understand, especially that which is hidden or obscure.
Exhortation is “the ability to help others reach their full potential by means of encouraging, challenging, comforting, and guiding.”
Exhortation comes from the same Greek word translated “Helper,” “Counselor” and “Comforter” in John 16:7.
Author Chuck Swindoll explains that the gift of exhortation is “the ability to bring encouragement, to help others see the relevance of Scripture, to give insightful counsel, to motivate, to comfort, and to offer hope that prompts action. “)
Yes..even at his young age, it is obvious what his calling is. John also had these gifts as a younger man, and he ran from it. He says that Trey's are stronger than his ever were.
He was saying last night that he and Rachel were working on some things, but that Trey knows his heart and knows Rachel's heart, and could help them relate their feelings or whatever to each other.
I let him know that I understood that, but that Trey was still his child, was still A child, and that there were some things that he need not be involved in...his father's relatonship for one.
That's when it escalated. He assured me that Trey was not privy to anything that went on "here" (tapping on the bedroom wall) but that Trey had this gift and the ability to help others...and that he was drawing strength from it.........and that I needed to see Trey for who he was now, and not the child he use to be.
I said I was just looking out for my child...for what was best for him, and that's when John said..
"but Robin, you don't have a relationship with him. You don't. Why do you think he doesn't want to come to you house so often?"
I was dumbfounded.
I looked at Trey.
He, without looking at me, kinda nodded.
I said that I do have a relationship with him, but that I always tried to give him his space. That it was a 2 way street...and that a lot of times I felt like he was just exhibiting teen behavior and needed space or alone time.
There was more...but yeh, that's the gist of it.
After I left, with Trey staying there because "I'm needed here", he texted me with "I'm sorry."
I replied, "what is it you are sorry for?"
His reply, "That it's true."
I let him know that I was his mother and he was my child and that I loved him more than anything and had always done my best to provide for him and make sure he always had the things he needed, and that if something was wrong between us we needed to work on it.
I didn't get a reply til this morning...
It said "I'm more than your son, and I'm sorry bout last nite, and I love u but look at th present me and who I'm becoming and not the little kid me."
I told him I would work on that and that he was gonna have to help me by giving me time with him and that we would spend our time together more productively from now on.
*breathes*
My worst nightmare has been revealed.
I told y'all a long time ago this would happen.
And it did.
Part of me still wants to say it's "a teenage thing" and in a few years he will see things differently. And maybe a little of it is that, but he's right. I have not been the best mom to him. Looking back, I could've done more.
I know he blames me for splitting up our family. He was 8 when all that happened...and all he saw was mommy making daddy cry.
And of course with me living 70 miles away for the past 6 years....
What did I expect?
I should've done better.
And I will..from now on.
And with Matt...I will do better.
Because I can't go through this again.
This hurts so bad.
(in reference to Trey, when I tried to point out to John that I was his mother and just looking out for his best interests)
and worse than that....
Trey agreed
and now I'm sending my other son to live with them?
I'll lose him, too.
__________________________________________________________________________
Here's the pretext of what was said Friday night...
After supper, John came up to Mom's and asked for Trey to go with him. Said he needed him for something.
Trey went.
Turns out, John and Rachel are having some troubles and were discussing them but needed Trey to help them.
When I found this out, I was not happy. I mean...Trey is 15 yrs old, and is John's CHILD, not his mediator, not his "friend", not his counselor, not his equal.
When I later expressed this to him, in a nice way of course, not accusatory or anything, John started talking about Trey's gift.
See...Trey has the spiritual gifts of discernment and exhortation.
(The gift of discernment consists of the spiritual quality or skill of being able to see or understand, especially that which is hidden or obscure.
Exhortation is “the ability to help others reach their full potential by means of encouraging, challenging, comforting, and guiding.”
Exhortation comes from the same Greek word translated “Helper,” “Counselor” and “Comforter” in John 16:7.
Author Chuck Swindoll explains that the gift of exhortation is “the ability to bring encouragement, to help others see the relevance of Scripture, to give insightful counsel, to motivate, to comfort, and to offer hope that prompts action. “)
Yes..even at his young age, it is obvious what his calling is. John also had these gifts as a younger man, and he ran from it. He says that Trey's are stronger than his ever were.
He was saying last night that he and Rachel were working on some things, but that Trey knows his heart and knows Rachel's heart, and could help them relate their feelings or whatever to each other.
I let him know that I understood that, but that Trey was still his child, was still A child, and that there were some things that he need not be involved in...his father's relatonship for one.
That's when it escalated. He assured me that Trey was not privy to anything that went on "here" (tapping on the bedroom wall) but that Trey had this gift and the ability to help others...and that he was drawing strength from it.........and that I needed to see Trey for who he was now, and not the child he use to be.
I said I was just looking out for my child...for what was best for him, and that's when John said..
"but Robin, you don't have a relationship with him. You don't. Why do you think he doesn't want to come to you house so often?"
I was dumbfounded.
I looked at Trey.
He, without looking at me, kinda nodded.
I said that I do have a relationship with him, but that I always tried to give him his space. That it was a 2 way street...and that a lot of times I felt like he was just exhibiting teen behavior and needed space or alone time.
There was more...but yeh, that's the gist of it.
After I left, with Trey staying there because "I'm needed here", he texted me with "I'm sorry."
I replied, "what is it you are sorry for?"
His reply, "That it's true."
I let him know that I was his mother and he was my child and that I loved him more than anything and had always done my best to provide for him and make sure he always had the things he needed, and that if something was wrong between us we needed to work on it.
I didn't get a reply til this morning...
It said "I'm more than your son, and I'm sorry bout last nite, and I love u but look at th present me and who I'm becoming and not the little kid me."
I told him I would work on that and that he was gonna have to help me by giving me time with him and that we would spend our time together more productively from now on.
*breathes*
My worst nightmare has been revealed.
I told y'all a long time ago this would happen.
And it did.
Part of me still wants to say it's "a teenage thing" and in a few years he will see things differently. And maybe a little of it is that, but he's right. I have not been the best mom to him. Looking back, I could've done more.
I know he blames me for splitting up our family. He was 8 when all that happened...and all he saw was mommy making daddy cry.
And of course with me living 70 miles away for the past 6 years....
What did I expect?
I should've done better.
And I will..from now on.
And with Matt...I will do better.
Because I can't go through this again.
This hurts so bad.
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