Scared of being proposed to

It's funny....
all I use to think about was being married....having to be married...I wanted to be married. It's what you do, right?

I got married the first time because it was the "right thing to do", and "the time was right."
I'd graduated college, gotten my first teaching job, been dating him awhile, loved him, so when he proposed....I said yes. I was suppose to. That's what came next on the list. (then we'd have babies and live happily ever after....right? )

When I divorced, I went right into another relationship, albeit a long distance one. Something secure, but not suffocating (well...not physically suffocating, even tho he was pretty controlling from 1200 miles away!)
We talked marriage, but location was an issue, and thank God it was because I know now he was not the one.

Then it ended, and after a short period of dating....I fell into my current relationship, which has lasted 4 years so far.
In the beginning he talked right away of "knowing" I was the one.
I just liked the security...hearing that from him.
We talked about marriage and I thought I wanted it.
But timing wasn't right. And I agonized over it.

Then... a peace came over me about this situation.
I let go of the "need to be married" and started enjoying the relationship.
I started growing as an individual, and discovered ME.
And he lets me. He doesn't hinder any of that.
He may not agree with some things I like to do (travel mostly b/c he's a homebody) but he never "stops me" or discourages me from doing anything I want.

I love where we are in our relationship. It's fun, it's secure, it's loving, ....
and we both still talk about "WHEN" we are married, but always know it's off in the future somewhere.

I'm thinking when the kids are older. And his is out of the house (he's almost 19 and in college but living at home.)

But here lately, he's been saying things that have me wondering....
coupled with his failing health, I'm beginning to think he is rethinking his life choices...seeing the need to change a few things.
I know he's taken steps towards securing my future, legally (as in, changing his will already. He did that about a year ago.)

And I could be totally wrong....I've misinterpreted his intentions many times before. You can't predict this man at all.
So I dunno.

What I do know is that I love where we are right now, and I'm not sure I want that to change. I love our relationship. But I love being able to go home at night to MY house and do my own thing, too.

So....
maybe I'm worrying for nothing. maybe he's thinking something totally different when he said, "We need to sit down next week and talk about it" (being more responsible and grown up).

I love him. I do.
But you know me...always scared of change.